5 Female Superheroes Who Are Way Out of Your League

Recently, while trawling the internet, I came across an article on Comic book characters who in all probability have weird penises. Needless to say, the article got me thinking why people shy away from making such lists about female superheroes. Comic books, according to me, are as much about men as they are about women, so why discriminate at all? Struck by a bolt of inspiration, I decided to take a shot at writing after years of abstinence. And I figured out that of all the awesome, awesome women the world of comic books have given us, there are some who will be impossible to satisfy! Here’s my top five.

She Hulk

Huge and green, though most men would shrink away from here in fear, let’s admit that she does indeed have a quite a male fan following. But upon conversation with most of these fans, I realized that none of them have ever thought about satisfying her in… ahem… bed! So what happens to Jenifer Walters down under when she becomes the She Hulk? Does she become tighter or does she become wider. And in either case, will it ever be possible for a human man to make love to her? Will a man be able to even start pleasuring her if she does indeed get tighter? And if she indeed does grow wider, male fans should ideally stop fantiasizing about her. Pleasuring a lady is important and you wouldn’t want She Hulk to be left feeling unsatisfied.

  Sue Storm

 No you fools! When I say Sue Storm, I do not mean Jessica Alba! I mean the Invisible woman, Mrs Fantastic! While she indeed has been the object of many young (and so young) men’s fantasies, again, they have never spared a thought or two about what it might really be like to make love to someone who can just disappear into thin air! Kinky as it may sound, as a man, I know my performance would be rather “influenced” and not in a good way, if I suddenly couldn’t see my partner at all! And even before she manages to disappear, I know for a fact that I will be spending a lot of time wondering if she will indeed disappear in throes of passion. Too many distracting thought. Damn.

 Wonder Woman

 Yes, we know how much men love Wonder Women. But it is the moment of truth now. She is an Amazonian Demigod, a princess and you are merely a blubbering mortal. In all possibility sporting thick glasses and in a very stable relationship with your pen protector. You certainly don’t have a chance. Plus, even if she does, out of sheer kindness, decide to give you a shot, do you suppose the lasso of truth will make the act any easier? She is ethereal and impossible to please. Simply because she is way, way out of our league.

 Wasp

While everyone loves Ant Man, no one really spares a thought about Wasp. Deadly and devastatingly gorgeous, this superhero, like Ant Man has the super ability to change her size. From a precious little thing that can fit into your palm to a towering giant in the matter of seconds, her sheer flexibility of all sorts is downright intimidating. It gets worse when you realize that she is not just a founding member of The Avengers, but she has some incredible superpowers that you really would not want to risk facing. Oh and, she also has super-intelligence, control over rather lethal blasts and a reputation that lets you know that she isn’t shy to sting. Humans, this gorgeous and incredibly well-dressed superhero isn’t for you.

Rogue

 We all have heard the story of King Midas- the man whose touch turned everything into gold. While Midas was doomed to a life of misery after he turned his own daughter into gold, the superhero who topped the list is no different. Even if you haven’t read the comics, watching the movies is just about enough to make you realize how incredibly lethal a touch from this incredible woman is. And more importantly, just a touch is enough to open up your soul and psyche to her entirely. She also has the ability to absorb your personality. Which, I think, we will unanimously agree to be a terrible, terrible thing.